YOGAM-This beautiful house reminded me

Our family in the process of designing a new home called "Vrindhavanam", on the process i started researching on homes, interiors etc...We had done 75 interior projects in Bangalore so the interior aspects were not new to us! But constructing a new home is! Now on the process of this wandering i came across this beautiful home which reminded me the word "YOGAM" In malayalam "thalayileruthu" enum paraym. So let me come to the incident directly. This home i loved small, beautiful,greenery around, tharavadu style. I saw it once from far.Wanting to see it once again one  day i dropped there with my husband,Rajeev Krishna.

                               I saw the gate was locked.Suddenly an old gentleman came out , he smiled at me. That's all i was inside his home with Rajeev for a cup of tea.My intention was to get inside and see the next door home."That home is beautiful ",I told him, he replied "Yes but nobody stays there" I was wondering why in such a beautiful home nobody stays!.Then this man's brother too joined in our conversation.They were two brothers un-married staying together. He told me that this home was a  beautiful tharavadu of ancient times, they redesigned the tharavadu.But only for pujas people come here,other wise nobody stays here, its locked. He smiled and told me " Vededuthal pora  thamasikan yogam venam" (In english it means " There is no point in taking a home u should have the luck and destiny to stay there!)  This dialoge struck my mind. He said that i could call and go someother day to see the interiors he will buy and keep the keys .We smiled and i took some pictures from the exterior angles.As i said good bye to him, he told me "Old tharavad na there are temples snakes and powers around , we need to be careful" I smiled and came of.On the way back i thought about the  word-"Yogam,destiny luck" .Many times however confident and intelligent we are with life and ourselves,some things happen JUST LIKE THAT!!!!! There are some  other forces that controls that right!!! We human beings are a unit of natures creation.But our arrogance to go against nature many times will come back to us in different style!!!! Jokingly one friend told me " Whats a point to be just married, you need destiny to have a loving life partner and a beautiful family life! "  Certain things in life happens if we are destined for them to happen!  But we have one thing in our control to be calm and happy and to manage anything with total surrender and acceptance.But the coincidence is that the MOMENT YOU SURRENDER TO THE NATURE COMPLETLY NATURE TAKES CARE OF YOU!!!!! I remember the quote of Paulo Colo, in the book Alchemist" If you mind is pure and you focus on your entity, you love something purely and sincerely, destiny will give that to you" I have got lots of things in life with this attitude!!!I love this design of the home completely, now let's see! At least the year did not end , so there is hope, for my beautiful home design with the name  "Vrindavanam"! Nature  is smarter, so never use your smartness to hurt another human-being or living being. And never think that being cunning and trying to posses other people's things will reach you any where in life!!Go with the tune of nature, listening to your inner-voice,take life slow and beautiful, THERE IS A GREATER FORCE THERE WHATEVER NAME YOU CALL THAT!!!!

WHAT!A girl raped in december, all are disturbed ! I am hurt but trying to remain emotionless!! emotionless,do u know why

 
                          During my childhood i was brought up with beautiful joint family system and temple bag round which is the foundation of my character and personality even today!!!! But as i grew i sensed the sensitivity of being a girl and felt a little in secured about that.Especially when i saw that i used to see my mother aunts discuss about the sexual approaches of other  negative men  happening within the known circles secretly, they would never talk about it openly to the person directly or to the higher authorities of the family. This actually even to some extent created a fear of being married in my small mind!!!!!

                My grandmother was a great lady and spiritually very strong, she taught me what it was to be spiritually competent as a woman and this still inspired me to be positive and face life strongly. Once in my high school days i spoke openly about my fears in the family, i saw a shock in the family members face, as though i spoke something wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I even gave examples of known circles of my friends and relatives and why i fear men and marriage,it was a silent movie expression of shock in everybody's face!!! What was worse that the people whom i spoke with trust used it as a gossip tool against me and i got a beautiful name Arrogance and outspoken . To the extent that i saw tears in my mothers eyes, i decided i will handle these issues on my own. Probably i will study lots and create money and power and react against these issues.I need to be strategic i decided.Luckily i got a genuine childhood friend who is my current husband with whom i used to share truths, not to my parents or family.

                       Finally worked hard and became a manager for the  Learning and Development, branch of a well known MNC in bangalore.On the process of working there i realized people discussing in my team how some girls use their attraction and extramarital relations for promotions, i asked them why dont you all react if you have proof  !All of them gave me a weird look the reason which i realized later. Once personally i came across a incident where i saw a girl kiss the HR manager in open, i spoke about that to the IT manager and to the HR assistant manager.The IT head asked me to raise a complaint, though i did not reveal the name.Due to my i maturity i revealed the name and the incident to the assistant HR manager( Who was a fox in disguise).He went and told it to the HR manager and the girl and THEY RAISED A COMPLAINT AGAINST ME, THAT I WAS SPOILING THEIR NAME. Friends i was shocked!!!!!!!! I thought there were people around who saw the incident i thought and trusted they will support me.My CEO a good friend asked me "Priya you need to know positive politics when you work in companies to climb up the ladder.,some things please close your eyes." With all intentions he meant goodness for me for he knew my innocent mind.He asked me what i will do,i said my karmas will protect me. But theHR  VP had work rivalry against me and used the incident against me. I scolded the VP, I was angry, i reacted.(Today the VP is down with some major disease is not working there anymore.) I was angry  the VP HR asked me to apologize to the assistant hr and the girl and though CEO advised me to wait for a compromise, i put my papers,out of my emotional outburst of honesty not being valued(It could be imaturity,i dont know, but this incident changed my life positively. I realized i can handle being alone for truth).Some of my good friends and trainees felt very sad. I was emotional for genuinely you stand for a good purpose this too happens to you.My mothers eyes were again in tears, she was so innocent that she went to astrologers asking "Why is my daughter so outspoken and innocent? ,why cant she think about her future and life" I was married then and my husband too thought i was interfering in unwanted issues of the society.It took one to two years to get out of this pain of being a innocent victim of a unknown incident.But i came out stronger, for i believed in karma. I am sure the karmas will protect me, and all have to be answerable for their karmas before death. BUT FOR ME IT WAS TOUGH PHASE IN MY LIFE, I WAS SHOCKED, TO SEE THE REALITIES BEHIND THE CORPORATE POLISHED LIVES!!!
               Today i am more calm and don't get that angry at things around me. Thinking why should i make my parents, husband ,child and well wishers sad in my pain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you react this too happen to us  in our country, for small issues at family, companies, then let the small negative people increase in no and create a hell of life around !!!!!!!!Still i am angry but i create my world of dance music,small time jobs and beautiful world around, still with the fear that my son has to go back to this world ,this society.Still searching the vedas ,the yogas and the autobiographies of wonderful leaders to lead a beautiful life and not to harm other  human-beings .I am leading a beautiful life the way i understand it every second , but  what happens when you react for issues around , ask to genuine people who has reacted. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN THE PROBLEMS ARE BIG ONLY DO WE SEE THEM?????Does a woman have to be treated this badly to understand something wrong is happening around us, have you tried reacting to small issues around you, you will then learn what it is to stand alone and be enlightened!!!!

          One of the commissioner of cochin a  good friend of mine told me "Priya ,before you speak truth, against people with POWER create power ,money and position, OR ELSE be prepared to be harmed and killed"!!!!!! I too don't want to live still in fear want to speak openly still want to be protected as a female!!!! But can understand what mothers mean when they say please be careful be strategic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-COOK -PUSHPAN-The houseboat ride at Allepey -Hero

                        Though my husband Rajeev Krishna runs the Tourism company "Tour 2 Kerala" ,for the past 9 years, after going for Jayaram's Rainbow cruise house inauguration 9 years back,its on december 22nd that i went for a house boat cruise.I wanted to share my experience in the house boat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    As we reached the alleppey backwaters the house boat team- The engine controller,the driver and the cook came to pick us. We had to walk inside one house boat to get into ours.All the house boats were parked side by side.


            As we entered the house boat the team of houseboat people became conscious that we are guests and started talking broken English to make us feel at home . My husband manged with a smile and i allowed them to speak to their heart content and then asked in Malayalam " apam ride thudangum?"  There was a beautiful smile in their face and they asked "Apam malayalianaleeeeeeeeee?"  Then with the welcome drink i went and saw the interiors of the house boat-The  kitchen, the bed room, the office room, the bathroom and the verandhe!!!!!!!!!!Beautiful and the ride began!!!!!!!!!!

               There are 1000 house boats in alleppey and the rates differ during season and off-season times. The driver told me, "After the president came to Kumarakom and went , the world knows kumarakom, but not alleppey much" I chatted with the driver the team was very happy  with the owner,they continue  there and the whole team members from the day they joined.We enjoyed the nature.Then at  pm came the lunch, our hero of the story pushpan was the cook! Delicious is not the word that i will use for the food there was genuine love in the preparations!!!!!!!!!

                   I chatted with pushpan, asked about his history. He told me in one of the conversations "Madame i was a fisherman before i joined here, i used to go to the sea for  catching fish before cooking ,some day i don't get any catch,but next day again happily i go to face the mysterious sea,compared to that job this job of a cook is wonderful! Compared to that job this cook designation is so easy, i just have to cook and keep the clients happy".I am paid a salary of 5000 rupees a moth, food,stay and i get money from the clients too!" He spoke about his wife his 2 daughters.On the process of his interaction i found him very positive,happy and innovative. He tried to find innovative means to keeps my son happy by teaching him cooking,fishing and telling him stories. Finally he gave me some tips for cooking too.

           In the evening the boat gets market near the land of the house boat owner, after 6pm, no house boats are allowed for cruise. They said we could go for a village walk if we wanted.We bought some fish also i said night dinner all of us could have together. They pulled the cable and they looked at us if we were happy about that to watch the television. I told them lets have dinner early, they looked very happy, the reason i found out later. The dinner was served and pushpan chatted again with me. And we all parted with a goodnight.Out of my curiosity i peeped the veranda and i found the driver and the engine man was fully drunk they could not even stand properly!!!!!!!!.Now i realized why they were happy that we had to have dinner early.I asked Rajeev my husband " Will these people drive us back safely tomorrow? " He just smiled.I did not see pushpan with them!!!

            I was awaken in the morning by pushpan with hot water for the shower! I asked him  why he was not there with the gang for the drinks last night. He replied "Madame one of us need to be in the senses ,and mostly they give that  chance to me and i prefer seeing them happy, for there is duty next day and i need to clean and get ready for the cooking next day too!!! I heard the ring tone from his phone "Apoopa nan anu"(In english it means grandfather its me) .His ring tone he had kept his grandson's tone!!!!!!!!I was feeling wonderful seeing the way pushpan loved his life,work and nature!!!!!!!!!!Attitude it does matter were ever u are. We had the breakfast and once it was time to get down i saw all the clients carrying the bags and walking towards the car.All the  our  bags were carried by the 3 team members of the houseboat! It was a nice houseboat journey,natural people and nature around. Alleppey i loved  ur  ambience and pushpan you taught me something!!!

THEYYAMS-Dancing my way out,

                

         
DANCING MY WAY OUT-THEYYAMS



                                       In my childhood i really enjoyed the temple atmosphere of dance and music. I would be unconsciously at a trans level when i listen to the theyyam dance to the music.I loved the dancing of the theyyam.Now the theyyam dance is different, that's what attracted me to the DANCE!

                             Theyyam is a malabar dance form where the people(Hindus, and other religions also i have seen in my village)dress up as god with lots of fast and they dance during the festival time. At a particular point of the heights of the dance and music they become very powerful.I mean their unconscious mind gets into total tune with nature and they perform dance and do miracles, which i have personally seen . After the dance and they remove the costume, they behave in the ordinary manner, i was able to do a lot of research on this with the guidance and training of doctor Prasad .Sunderarajan.(A world famous trainer). I felt all of us are blessed to use this unconscious powerful space to make our life beautiful, thus i fell in love with the THEYYAM AND HIS DANCE.

                                   At school i learn t  bharathanatyam  and bit of dancing for the convent related purposes at St.Joseph's-calicut , but  i loved to eat sort of overate and did not take care of my body.And  i was not encouraged at home for nobody danced in our family. But many of my friends told me that i danced well,hence the passion retained secreatly hidden in my heart,also because i was overweight for i overate!.

                                           Now in my 34th year again i wanted to dance  at a stage were i was just overeating and was not physically fit.But i took up the challenge!, my secret wish to dance and i fought the laziness of not exercising!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After three years of practice with the guidance of sreemathi kalamandalam mani teacher, this october i am performing my arangettam of bharathanatyam at the mukambika temple on october 18th,2012. Excited.

                      The starting of the Theyyam spirit in my Spirit mind and body.Theyyams do bless me for taking up this challenge to lead a beautiful life for me and my friends! When we strongly wish something we can make it happen , but we need to work hard too! Let the magic happen!

IS PAIN IMPORTANT IN BEING SUCESSFULL IN LIFE?

     I was just showing to my son the pictures of the  childhood pain that the Olympic game heros of china went through in their childhood.Suddenly he told me "Amma, actually without pain we don't reach great heights na, that's why, that's not really pain" I asked him then what is that ? He said before geting anything good its natural experience to go through pain. It was late night and he went off to sleep.Then i pondered over this thought thus this blog came up!
             I was trained by a genius doctor Prasad sunderarajan, my childhood was pretty tough for i had great dreams, and i was born in a very orthodox family and top of that i was brutally honest about anything to people. This landed me to many tough situations in life, of course i am successful today   because i went through these situations. Then i would call up Prasad sir and say sir its very painful and tough and he would reply"How lucky you are to go through all these situations in such a young age, stay there be calm and live that BUT be strategic!". I  used to wonder then, everybody whom i met always felt so sad about pain and grief, this man talks wonderful about this emotion, interesting!Then i changed my approach to pain and grief, i decided any event of pain and grief in my life will be to master that situation forever! Then magically my life started changing!Today if you ask me the pain and no-pain is same for me.I am so engrossed in the beautiful experience of life and nature that i am just lost in an enlightened manner.So beautiful the pain in life is if you face them courageously!
         When i was in my school in St joseph in calicut there was another incident that i wanted to narrate here.I always wanted to lead a successful and beautiful life to make this world a better place.I came from a village in Mahe.My mother really struggled to educate me in a convent.She studied only till tenth and like all mothers she dream t her daughter to have a more beautiful and successful life than hers.I was inspired by my mother to do well in academics.But secretly i wanted to grow in wisdom too.
                 Once i went to the library and i saw a girl of my class read  literature, i used to read only Sherlock homes and Nancy drew then.At that age i thought o we need to read all this to be wiser, i never saw anybody read this in my family and i was not that good at English then.I went to the librarian Mrs Betty and told her " Madame i too want to read literature and be very smart and wiser", she told me "Your classmate who reads that comes from a very highly educated b aground, you could try slowly, but it takes time! But you too can reach that level if you keep trying" She gave me the first  literature book to read, though i read that book completely i understood nothing, but  i continued so hoping someday i will understand them. Now the Climax, after so many years, i met that friend who used to read the high literature, she was so lost in life, sad,lonely,sick and depressed.She told me ,Priya i read your facebook messages every day, i look up to you, u have been so different and smart after school,what made your life so different and wonderful. I told her "I always felt god gave the best for me and whatever he did not give he wanted me to create that!The wisdom of the pain and the hardwork is that beautiful friends!And thanks to Prasad Sunderarajan for making me more competent to live the life, as it is,beautifully!

JIMKIS AND THE HAIR WIG

JIMKIS AND THE HAIR-WIG

              One day evening after the temple visit, walking back home I decided to freak out at the new shop of the “Ali stores “, in Cochin. This new shop is mainly for the dance and drama accessories. I love jimki’s   , I have lots of them in my personal collections. (Jimkis are a particular style of earrings; they are very famous in Kerala). Still love to experiment on the new designs.

                                               The shop looked very new and beautiful. I asked the lady for the jimki’s there, she bought a box full of them. I started trying out all of them on my ears and looked in the mirror. Suddenly my eyes crossed an old lady of sixty years plus trying out on the hair wigs, that too very long ones. I looked her face, but she was not happy but she was going on trying out the hair wigs one by one, I wondered deep inside perhaps she loved hair wigs the way I loved jimkis!. Then she came next to me and asked “You love Jimkis?” I said “yes”, and I was so curious, I asked her “You love hair wigs?”There was a moment of silence, then she said “no” and lifted her hand it was swollen! “I have hand cancer, just completed one chemotherapy, and all my hair is gone.”She removed her hair wig and showed me! I was silent for some time. Then she smiled at me and introduced me to her husband who could barely walk and she left with the purchase of the hair-wig.

                            I bought some books for my son and walked back home; on the way back I felt my hair was more beautiful than the jimkis! As soon as I reached home I hugged my son lots and just smiled at myself! Life is just about living what else! Nothing wrong in loving jimki’s, but it’s also important to love the very moment of life we have in our hands!

TEN RUPEE TORN NOTE

10 rupee torn note!

                  As decided to wander and also write lots, something interesting happened today! I went for the book exhibition near the shiva temple Ernakulum and spend nearly two hours there. There was only two customers in the shop, i spend a lot of time with the sales girl chatting too, as the owner of the shop was not there. On the process the sales girl was a very positive lady and a wonderful human i realized. I purchased a book and while billing she gave me a 10 rupee torn note, i told her i can’t take that as the note was torn very badly. Then she took two five rupee coins and gave me, i told that's a tip for you for your wonderful company. She said "Madame you are an interesting person, won’t take a 10 rupee torn note, but will give a ten rupee free note." I smiled and walked to continue my wandering. Ten  rupee torn note i did not want to give for another person that's all!

HOW MY SON'S BIRTH HELPED ME TO MASTER MY GREATEST FEARS

My 3 greatest fears I mastered with the arrival of Rishiraj mahi to this world!

My three greatest fears I mastered on my delivery day. I still remember that day alone in the Manipal hospital at Bangalore. Sometimes destiny comes in form of a child to train us to master our fears. Thus the day I delivered Rishirajmahi I mastered three fears, which I will explain below. The first one was to lose the family, the second was to face the operation theatre and the third was to deliver a child for I just can’t see blood, I would faint!

Since mine was a strange marriage of my independent decisions due to many circumstances, many people whom I loved more than myself left me at the decision and the truth when my marriage happened. So many friends and relatives told me once u have a child all will be forgotten and family will come back, nothing like that happened, till the day I was admitted in the hospital. I had far relatives and friends and my parents of course! Still 7 years back I was not that emotionally matured, I sincerely missed my joint family members, but no choice I faced that!

The second was the operation theatre, one day prior to the delivery date the doctor told me that if the child will not show signs of coming out tomorrow we might have to operate for the shoulder bones were too long for the baby, so we don’t want to take chances. I was shaken the operation theatre and the red light my god!. Now the climax part I was admitted and the doctor says that I need to have the suzarian operation the very next day and my mother say s to me “If you deliver today according to your horoscope something bad will happen to your husband or your brother!”Imagine my mental condition! Rajeev, my husband had already fainted due to a medical complication and was already admitted on the floor below my room in the same hospital that day. I had all my fears together the same day.

All year’s rishi’s birthday I remember that first night before rishi’s birth when I looked at the clock with all the fears. I was lying and my mother was lying in a cot beside me, I called her I said-“I am scared I need to talk” She replied: “ Just go to sleep, I am tired, what fear for all this what god decides will happen”, and she slept. Me alone with all the fears looking at the clock strike 12.30.I thought Rajeev my husband promised to be with me at my greatest fear and he is admitted, moreover doctors were still scanning is reports as to what happened to him. Of that entire if I had a normal delivery that day night it was astrologically bad for my son. Finally my doctor,I mean my gynecologist Dr. Gayatri knew my fears, she told anytime I could call her. I called my doctor at one am in the morning, I told her I am scared I have Rajeev only as a support and he is also sick and the disease was not diagnosed then, she told me soon after my delivery she will make arrangements for me to see him and she will specify to her other doctor friend to take care of him(Rajeev my husband, who was admitted because he fainted). Then I told her “Doctor ,I cannot stand the red lights of the operation theatre and the blood, so please blind my eyes before I enter the theatre and please I want to see my son only after he is washed and with no blood!.”Doctor replied “ Priya you have no choice now the little one has to come out of the stomach, all your request, taken for consideration, goodnight ,sleep well” . When I looked my mother was happily sleeping, in the next bed I looked the clock again 3am, nurse came to give some pills, still I did not sleep! Finally 4am and I decided to speak to the little one in my stomach, addressing his name I spoke “Rishiraj mahi I am not scared to die, but I am scared to be alone, to see blood and to deliver, you are still close to god, please be there for me I am alone and I love you lots, I just can’t be a brave mother now!” Looking at the clock talking to him, there it was 6.30am, the wheel chair came my body was dead with fear of the operation and the blood. The doctor did all that she promised. Finally when I woke up after my operation I just saw few bodies around me and few crying sounds I screamed at the top of my voice ”Sister am I dead?”One of my friend vaishali doctor who came for the operation just for me came running and she said “Priya this is the post operation room, you will be shifted right now, I took your son, by my hand first he is 4 and a half kg he smiled at me, and he so cute, the sisters are bathing him!” I was taken in the wheel chair and my doctor told me Rajeev was diagnosed with typhoid last night and nothing to worry, she showed Rajeev to me at a distance.

And finally I was taken to my room at 4pm, I see my hero Rishirajmahi smiling in the corner of his cheeks, last night he did see all the melodrama his mother went through. Thank you dearest rishirajmahi, you were there for me that night and you helped me master my greatest fears. When I saw his smiling face I just forgot the whole sleepless scary night, but every birthday I remember those days once again,6 years passed, by that story!

The lessons in life—sometimes you have to just be there silently and face it and it will happen the way it is destined to happen! But keep your mind pure and entity alert! Even today I can’t stand losing people whom I love, blood, operation theatre , but I have faced it once, and that makes a great difference, of having faced it ONCE ! Now I am the director of my fears my greatest fears!