My three greatest fears I mastered on my delivery day. I still remember
that day alone in the Manipal hospital at Bangalore. Sometimes destiny
comes in form of a child to train us to master our fears. Thus the day I
delivered Rishirajmahi I mastered three fears, which I will explain
below. The first one was to lose the family, the second was to face the
operation theatre and the third was to deliver a child for I just can’t see blood, I would faint!
Since mine was a strange marriage of my independent decisions due to many circumstances, many people whom I loved more than myself left me at the decision and the truth when my marriage happened. So many friends and relatives told me once u have a child all will be forgotten and family will come back, nothing like that happened, till the day I was admitted in the hospital. I had far relatives and friends and my parents of course! Still 7 years back I was not that emotionally matured, I sincerely missed my joint family members, but no choice I faced that!
The second was the operation theatre, one day prior to the delivery date the doctor told me that if the child will not show signs of coming out tomorrow we might have to operate for the shoulder bones were too long for the baby, so we don’t want to take chances. I was shaken the operation theatre and the red light my god!. Now the climax part I was admitted and the doctor says that I need to have the suzarian operation the very next day and my mother say s to me “If you deliver today according to your horoscope something bad will happen to your husband or your brother!”Imagine my mental condition! Rajeev, my husband had already fainted due to a medical complication and was already admitted on the floor below my room in the same hospital that day. I had all my fears together the same day.
All year’s rishi’s birthday I remember that first night before rishi’s birth when I looked at the clock with all the fears. I was lying and my mother was lying in a cot beside me, I called her I said-“I am scared I need to talk” She replied: “ Just go to sleep, I am tired, what fear for all this what god decides will happen”, and she slept. Me alone with all the fears looking at the clock strike 12.30.I thought Rajeev my husband promised to be with me at my greatest fear and he is admitted, moreover doctors were still scanning is reports as to what happened to him. Of that entire if I had a normal delivery that day night it was astrologically bad for my son. Finally my doctor,I mean my gynecologist Dr. Gayatri knew my fears, she told anytime I could call her. I called my doctor at one am in the morning, I told her I am scared I have Rajeev only as a support and he is also sick and the disease was not diagnosed then, she told me soon after my delivery she will make arrangements for me to see him and she will specify to her other doctor friend to take care of him(Rajeev my husband, who was admitted because he fainted). Then I told her “Doctor ,I cannot stand the red lights of the operation theatre and the blood, so please blind my eyes before I enter the theatre and please I want to see my son only after he is washed and with no blood!.”Doctor replied “ Priya you have no choice now the little one has to come out of the stomach, all your request, taken for consideration, goodnight ,sleep well” . When I looked my mother was happily sleeping, in the next bed I looked the clock again 3am, nurse came to give some pills, still I did not sleep! Finally 4am and I decided to speak to the little one in my stomach, addressing his name I spoke “Rishiraj mahi I am not scared to die, but I am scared to be alone, to see blood and to deliver, you are still close to god, please be there for me I am alone and I love you lots, I just can’t be a brave mother now!” Looking at the clock talking to him, there it was 6.30am, the wheel chair came my body was dead with fear of the operation and the blood. The doctor did all that she promised. Finally when I woke up after my operation I just saw few bodies around me and few crying sounds I screamed at the top of my voice ”Sister am I dead?”One of my friend vaishali doctor who came for the operation just for me came running and she said “Priya this is the post operation room, you will be shifted right now, I took your son, by my hand first he is 4 and a half kg he smiled at me, and he so cute, the sisters are bathing him!” I was taken in the wheel chair and my doctor told me Rajeev was diagnosed with typhoid last night and nothing to worry, she showed Rajeev to me at a distance.
And finally I was taken to my room at 4pm, I see my hero Rishirajmahi smiling in the corner of his cheeks, last night he did see all the melodrama his mother went through. Thank you dearest rishirajmahi, you were there for me that night and you helped me master my greatest fears. When I saw his smiling face I just forgot the whole sleepless scary night, but every birthday I remember those days once again,6 years passed, by that story!
The lessons in life—sometimes you have to just be there silently and face it and it will happen the way it is destined to happen! But keep your mind pure and entity alert! Even today I can’t stand losing people whom I love, blood, operation theatre , but I have faced it once, and that makes a great difference, of having faced it ONCE ! Now I am the director of my fears my greatest fears!
Since mine was a strange marriage of my independent decisions due to many circumstances, many people whom I loved more than myself left me at the decision and the truth when my marriage happened. So many friends and relatives told me once u have a child all will be forgotten and family will come back, nothing like that happened, till the day I was admitted in the hospital. I had far relatives and friends and my parents of course! Still 7 years back I was not that emotionally matured, I sincerely missed my joint family members, but no choice I faced that!
The second was the operation theatre, one day prior to the delivery date the doctor told me that if the child will not show signs of coming out tomorrow we might have to operate for the shoulder bones were too long for the baby, so we don’t want to take chances. I was shaken the operation theatre and the red light my god!. Now the climax part I was admitted and the doctor says that I need to have the suzarian operation the very next day and my mother say s to me “If you deliver today according to your horoscope something bad will happen to your husband or your brother!”Imagine my mental condition! Rajeev, my husband had already fainted due to a medical complication and was already admitted on the floor below my room in the same hospital that day. I had all my fears together the same day.
All year’s rishi’s birthday I remember that first night before rishi’s birth when I looked at the clock with all the fears. I was lying and my mother was lying in a cot beside me, I called her I said-“I am scared I need to talk” She replied: “ Just go to sleep, I am tired, what fear for all this what god decides will happen”, and she slept. Me alone with all the fears looking at the clock strike 12.30.I thought Rajeev my husband promised to be with me at my greatest fear and he is admitted, moreover doctors were still scanning is reports as to what happened to him. Of that entire if I had a normal delivery that day night it was astrologically bad for my son. Finally my doctor,I mean my gynecologist Dr. Gayatri knew my fears, she told anytime I could call her. I called my doctor at one am in the morning, I told her I am scared I have Rajeev only as a support and he is also sick and the disease was not diagnosed then, she told me soon after my delivery she will make arrangements for me to see him and she will specify to her other doctor friend to take care of him(Rajeev my husband, who was admitted because he fainted). Then I told her “Doctor ,I cannot stand the red lights of the operation theatre and the blood, so please blind my eyes before I enter the theatre and please I want to see my son only after he is washed and with no blood!.”Doctor replied “ Priya you have no choice now the little one has to come out of the stomach, all your request, taken for consideration, goodnight ,sleep well” . When I looked my mother was happily sleeping, in the next bed I looked the clock again 3am, nurse came to give some pills, still I did not sleep! Finally 4am and I decided to speak to the little one in my stomach, addressing his name I spoke “Rishiraj mahi I am not scared to die, but I am scared to be alone, to see blood and to deliver, you are still close to god, please be there for me I am alone and I love you lots, I just can’t be a brave mother now!” Looking at the clock talking to him, there it was 6.30am, the wheel chair came my body was dead with fear of the operation and the blood. The doctor did all that she promised. Finally when I woke up after my operation I just saw few bodies around me and few crying sounds I screamed at the top of my voice ”Sister am I dead?”One of my friend vaishali doctor who came for the operation just for me came running and she said “Priya this is the post operation room, you will be shifted right now, I took your son, by my hand first he is 4 and a half kg he smiled at me, and he so cute, the sisters are bathing him!” I was taken in the wheel chair and my doctor told me Rajeev was diagnosed with typhoid last night and nothing to worry, she showed Rajeev to me at a distance.
And finally I was taken to my room at 4pm, I see my hero Rishirajmahi smiling in the corner of his cheeks, last night he did see all the melodrama his mother went through. Thank you dearest rishirajmahi, you were there for me that night and you helped me master my greatest fears. When I saw his smiling face I just forgot the whole sleepless scary night, but every birthday I remember those days once again,6 years passed, by that story!
The lessons in life—sometimes you have to just be there silently and face it and it will happen the way it is destined to happen! But keep your mind pure and entity alert! Even today I can’t stand losing people whom I love, blood, operation theatre , but I have faced it once, and that makes a great difference, of having faced it ONCE ! Now I am the director of my fears my greatest fears!
hmm
ReplyDelete