My 3 greatest fears I mastered with the arrival of Rishiraj mahi to this world!
My three greatest fears I mastered on my delivery day. I still remember
that day alone in the Manipal hospital at Bangalore. Sometimes destiny
comes in form of a child to train us to master our fears. Thus the day I
delivered Rishirajmahi I mastered three fears, which I will explain
below. The first one was to lose the family, the second was to face the
operation theatre and the third was to deliver a child for I just can’t see blood, I would faint!
Since mine was a strange marriage of my
independent decisions due to many circumstances, many people whom I
loved more than myself left me at the decision and the truth when my
marriage happened. So many friends and relatives told me once u have a
child all will be forgotten and family will come back, nothing like that
happened, till the day I was admitted in the hospital. I had far
relatives and friends and my parents of course! Still 7 years back I was
not that emotionally matured, I sincerely missed my joint family
members, but no choice I faced that!
The second was the operation theatre, one day prior to the delivery
date the doctor told me that if the child will not show signs of coming
out tomorrow we might have to operate for the shoulder bones were too
long for the baby, so we don’t want to take chances. I was shaken the
operation theatre and the red light my god!. Now the climax part I was
admitted and the doctor says that I need to have the suzarian operation
the very next day and my mother say s to me “If you deliver today
according to your horoscope something bad will happen to your husband or
your brother!”Imagine my mental condition! Rajeev, my husband had
already fainted due to a medical complication and was already admitted
on the floor below my room in the same hospital that day. I had all my
fears together the same day.
All year’s rishi’s birthday I
remember that first night before rishi’s birth when I looked at the
clock with all the fears. I was lying and my mother was lying in a
cot beside me, I called her I said-“I am scared I need to talk” She
replied: “ Just go to sleep, I am tired, what fear for all this what god
decides will happen”, and she slept. Me alone with all the fears
looking at the clock strike 12.30.I thought Rajeev my husband promised
to be with me at my greatest fear and he is admitted, moreover doctors
were still scanning is reports as to what happened to him. Of that
entire if I had a normal delivery that day night it was astrologically
bad for my son. Finally my doctor,I mean my gynecologist Dr. Gayatri
knew my fears, she told anytime I could call her. I called my doctor at
one am in the morning, I told her I am scared I have Rajeev only as a
support and he is also sick and the disease was not diagnosed then, she
told me soon after my delivery she will make arrangements for me to see
him and she will specify to her other doctor friend to take care of
him(Rajeev my husband, who was admitted because he fainted). Then I told
her “Doctor ,I cannot stand the red lights of the operation theatre and
the blood, so please blind my eyes before I enter the theatre and
please I want to see my son only after he is washed and with no
blood!.”Doctor replied “ Priya you have no choice now the little one
has to come out of the stomach, all your request, taken for
consideration, goodnight ,sleep well” . When I looked my mother was
happily sleeping, in the next bed I looked the clock again 3am, nurse
came to give some pills, still I did not sleep! Finally 4am and I
decided to speak to the little one in my stomach, addressing his name I
spoke “Rishiraj mahi I am not scared to die, but I am scared to be
alone, to see blood and to deliver, you are still close to god, please
be there for me I am alone and I love you lots, I just can’t be a brave
mother now!” Looking at the clock talking to him, there it was 6.30am,
the wheel chair came my body was dead with fear of the operation and the
blood. The doctor did all that she promised. Finally when I woke up
after my operation I just saw few bodies around me and few crying sounds
I screamed at the top of my voice ”Sister am I dead?”One of my friend
vaishali doctor who came for the operation just for me came running and
she said “Priya this is the post operation room, you will be shifted
right now, I took your son, by my hand first he is 4 and a half kg he
smiled at me, and he so cute, the sisters are bathing him!” I was taken
in the wheel chair and my doctor told me Rajeev was diagnosed with
typhoid last night and nothing to worry, she showed Rajeev to me at a
distance.
And finally I was taken to my
room at 4pm, I see my hero Rishirajmahi smiling in the corner of his
cheeks, last night he did see all the melodrama his mother went through.
Thank you dearest rishirajmahi, you were there for me that night and
you helped me master my greatest fears. When I saw his smiling face I
just forgot the whole sleepless scary night, but every birthday I
remember those days once again,6 years passed, by that story!
The lessons in life—sometimes you have to just be there silently and
face it and it will happen the way it is destined to happen! But keep
your mind pure and entity alert! Even today I can’t stand losing people
whom I love, blood, operation theatre , but I have faced it once, and
that makes a great difference, of having faced it ONCE ! Now I am the
director of my fears my greatest fears!
